Dumb Things That People Say to Authors

What’s crackin, grasshoppers???

I’m a firm believer that there’s no such thing as a stupid question…

…with a few exceptions

I’m annoyed at some of the shit that people say or ask when I’m on the grind. People can say the most irrelevant shit when it comes to my space as an author. I don’t say that to seem rude or uppity, but common sense should…well…be common

Questions like, “How long does it take for you to write a book?” DON’T bother me…neither does, “Tell me what the book is about.”

That means you genuinely wanna get to understand my art and its process

Is when people say shit like, “I’ll buy your book when I see it at the store,” irks me when they KNOW I have books on my person to sell

I’m gonna run down 10 things stupid shit people can say to an author…it’s more than 10, but I’m sure you’ll get the point

This isn’t a knock to my fan base because I have SMART readers…the dumb shit that people say are usually nosey folk with nothing else to do but waste my time

 

1. Do you have distribution?

It shouldn’t matter if I have distribution when you’re not a distributor



2. How many books you sold?

Book sales have nothing to do with the actual content of the story and its quality or lack thereof



3. Do I need an editor if I wanna write a book?

No need to explain this one



4. I wanna write a book

Yeah, sure



5. Do authors make a lot of money?

Write a book and find out



6. I’m sure you get a lot of girls writing books

I doubt women like me because I’m an author

If they do, they need to holla at Dr. Phil



7. Did you write this book?

Um…DUH!



8. Gimme the book for free

*slap*



9. I’ll buy the book if it was on eBook 

I’m a firm believer that if you REALLY want something in life, you’ll go out your way to get it

I bought the GZA’s of the Wu-Tang Clan Liquid Swords album on cassette when the store didn’t have it on CD



10. Authors are the devil
 

I’m not kidding when I tell you I got that remark before

Now…

Before I get the “snobbish” remarks, put yourself in my snake skin shoes for a sec

Those questions and comments are similar to some dude asking you your favorite sex position on the first date, or a chick constantly talking about your bank account the first few minutes into the conversation

What the fuck does that have to with your character as a person?

Enuff said

I’m out

Peace and Afro Grease

Nah’Sun

Book Clubs Are Liars

Ayoooooooooo

Book clubs flip on me for some reason…I got the WORST luck when it comes to book clubs either inviting me for a meeting to discuss my books, or them following up when they say they will

It got to a point where whenever a book club member say to me, “I’m gonna contact you after I finish the book” I automatically assume they’re full of shit

They NEVER contact me…9 out of 10 times this is AFTER they claim they enjoyed the book…so I doubt it has anything to do with the content 

Damn...do I need to shoot a nigga to get someone's attention?...Shit...LOL

I guess this is the way of the industry *shrugs*

I remember at a book signing in Newark, New Jersey 3 years ago this lady who was part of a book club was interested in buying a book…our interaction took a wrong turn on Weird driving on Awkward boulevard after awhile…this is how the last part of the convo had went:

 
ME: Feel free to flip through the pages to see if you like it enough to buy it

HER: It looks real interesting. I think I’m gonna buy your book (she says as she flips through pages)

3 minutes later

HER: Okay, I gotta go. Bye

ME: (looks dumfounded as she leaves without buying a book)

 
Me and my homegirl (my assistant at the time) looked at each other like “what the fuck?”…we actually thought we had a sale…that’s how interested she was…LOL…shit was mad bizarre…she just bounced.

Til this day that’s the WEIRDEST interaction I’ve gotten from a perspective buyer…it just so happen to be a person from a book club

I’m not gonna go on a crusade against book clubs…some of them have been VERY supportive when it comes to buying books…it just bugs me out how they never hit me up when they say they will…especially when they give a SPECIFIC time period of them hitting me up

You might say, "maybe you should make the first step"...I don't think I should have to do that when someone cracks open the pandora's box of a light promise...If someone is REALLY interested in a person, place or thing, they'll go out their way to get it...simple as that

It’s like people’s word nowadays aren’t their bond…then again, I am dealing with industry folk

This older brother once said:

"My word is my bond, and my bond is life, and I will give my life before my word shall fail."

And when you deal with any industry, it’s like people are walking around dead when it comes to their word

Anyway…back to writing I go…I’m out

Peace

Nah’Sun the Great

Lampin in Miami with a supporter from a book club

She Showed Me Her Tattoo

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack
 
Well…briefly
 
Last Saturday I needed to get out the house…the original plan was to bang out a few chapters of Thick in the Nick of Time…the warm weather made me lazy…and plus, I’m not the most creative person when I feel like I’m forced to do something
 
So I hit up the 12 Plus Entertainment party @ Diva Lounge in SOHO Manhattan (that means South Of HOuston Street for you Non-New Yorkers) 

Houston Street in Manhattan is not pronounced like the city “Use-Ton”…it’s pronounced “House-Ton”  

12 Plus is a promotional party for thick and sexy women and guys who love them…I swooped by and passed out bookmarks of THICK
 
As I passed out bookmarks, one thing I noticed is that older women are more likely to keep the bookmarks than women under 30…chicks under 30 usually just sit the flyers down on the table or drop them on the floor…I’m not offended by that because I actually had people pick up the bookmarks and hit me up on Facebook 

I just know NOT to give young broads bookmarks…even something simple as passing out flyers is a marketing strategy
 
I was one of the few dudes among scores of women at the party as Ke’Na, the promoter, was happy to see another guy come through
 
And once again, I was suited and booted


 
My get-up attracted this young lady playing poker on her phone by the bar…I eased up on shorty and teased her about playing games on the phone at the freakin club 


ME: What’s your name?
 
GIRL: Do you wanna know my model name or my real name?
 
ME: (looks at her with one eyebrow lifted) C’mon, girl. I wanna know your real name
 
GIRL: (gives me her real name)…my model name is Paw Print

 
Then she proceeds to show me her tat


 
Shorty from Jersey was bout it bout it with hers…no hate from me
 
She said there weren’t enough guys at the party (True), and she needed to keep herself occupied (False)…I say false because a party is what you make it unless it’s extremely wack to the 5th power…the 12 Plus party was good enough for folks to enjoy themselves
 
The DJ was on point and the drinks were good and cheap…we even formed a Soul Train line later in the night…NICE!
 
Paw Print would later show me the “lustful” tat on her thigh


 
Once again…no hate from ya boy…me likey 

I chopped it up her between the times I passed out bookmarks 

Dancing with this other chick I know made me miss a fight between two chicks by the front door

Make a short story shorter, these Spanish chicks came through the party and violated…one of them put up a middle finger in the background of a picture taken by another group of girls and all hell broke loose after that

That’s the story I got *shrugs*
 
Half the club dipped out after that scuffle…I don’t blame them…but hey, I wasn’t gonna let that ruin my night
 
I’ll hit up another 12 Plus party again…the promoters were cool peoples...a MAJOR PLUS...I heard the party that they threw last month was packed…that didn’t matter to me as long as I get out the house and inhale some fresh NYC polluted air

I hate crowded clubs anyway

Aight ya’ll…I’m out

Hotep!
 
Nah’Sun

Lying About Book Sales is Sexy

 
Ayo…I wanna pour out some herbal tea for Whitney Houston…a damn shame for what happened to her…a great loss.

48 is mad young…real talk.

I also wanna pour out some green tea for Prime Time book store that was located a couple blocks from Fulton Ave on Nostrand Avenue in Bed Stuy, Brooklyn.

Another independent book store bites the dust. I was pissed to see the book store closed...I wanted to cop a new book to read...FUCK!!!

I’m not gonna blame the close on the lack of support from buyers. You never know. The landlord could’ve jacked up the cost to lease the joint for the new year and forced the book store out.

Then again…I did see a barber shop a couple doors down on the same strip…and then again, you know Negroes love to get their hair tight at least twice a week.
 
Speaking of lack of support, a lot of people dislike when authors lie about their sales. A lot of authors give themselves “the best seller” tag like it’s going out of style.
 
Guess what...I really don’t blame authors for doing that.
 
One of the first questions I get from potential buyers when I’m out on the grind is, “How many books you sold?”
 
I’m thinking to myself, “What the fuck does my book sales have to do with the actual content of the novel?” I hold back on expressing that thought because I don’t wanna appear rude and lose out on a sale.
 
So I usually give them the vague answer of, “I’m doing well” (which I am) or “I’m on my second print run” (which isn’t a lie)
 
American society has an issue with associating quality with sales. That’s a false. You can convince the public that syrup on shit is pancakes with the right marketing and promotion.
 
Oh…I forgot…they’re already doing that…it’s called Chit’lins. 

Let me stop before my Southern brothers and sisters send me hate emails.
 
I remember one time I helped this sista make up a story to a customer at her book signing in Harlem about BET picking up the movie rights to her novel. I lied my ass off…LOL…I wanted to help a sista out, so I played along with her.  

And yep...she got a sale.
 
You can’t get mad at the author for doing that…a lot of people are quick to support the rich and forget about the poor…the book game is ugly, just like any business of selling…you gotta fake it before you make it to put your foot in the door sometimes.
 
We’re living in a society where people care more about record sales than the actual music…it’s hard to speak honestly when the world is superficial…you gotta get it how you live.
 
Me personally…I don’t lie about my sales...I give vague answers like I said before…I let the reader figure the shit out on their own.
 
Am I wrong for saying I’m a best seller if I order only 100 books and sell out of them?
 
I mean, I did “sell” them to the “best” of my abilities…right?
 
Marinate on that…until the next time…
 
Peace
 
Nah’Sun

A Small Chronic Break

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