Friday, March 30, 2012

Tips for Memorial Day Weekend @ Miami South Beach

“You don’t need to workout for South Beach…all you need is some money” – a chick I knew since grade school

I’ll get to the meaning of that quote in a second

Aight, people…Memorial Day Weekend is not too far away, and you know heads are anxious to hit up Freaknik…Ooops, I meant Urban Beach Week at either Myrtle Beach or Miami South Beach

I’ve never been to Myrtle Beach, so my focus is on South Beach since I’m familiar with that neck of the woods…promoters up north tend to promote their parties heavily in Miami during that weekend anyway

I might post some pics leading up to Memorial Day Weekend…but for now, let’s get down to the nitty gritty

Aight, back to the quote

Fellas…be prepared to come across chicks sellin’ ass…I’m not saying every chick in South Beach during that weekend is trickin’, but best believe a good number of them are…I came across chicks who probably wouldn’t trick in their hometown hit up South Beach to get their hustle on

Here’s a quick convo with a chick I met on Collins Ave


ME: What’s up, sexy? You enjoying yourself so far?

CHICK: Yeah, it’s cool

ME: So what you on right now?

CHICK: I’m here with me and my girls

ME: Cool…I wanna kick it with you tonight

CHICK: I’m gonna be honest with you, baby. I’m down here hustlin’…no less than a hundred

ME: (walks off)


What’s funny is that I overheard some loud ass dudes in a room across from mine chit chattin about broads stressin' them to pay for the wet box

Now, for all the homies who don’t live by the “It ain’t trickin’ if you got it” mentality, I’m gonna give you some tips on how to AVOID giving up cash for ass…let’s not get things twisted…NOT every female in South Beach are on some trickin’ shit…you just gotta know how to find those who ain’t on that

I wanna get that out the way before the lovely ladies start screamin on me for generalizing

The majority of hustling chicks loiter on the MAIN STREETS: Ocean Ave, Collins Ave and Washington Ave

Avoid those strips like the plague if you wanna catch you a good female without trickin

Hit up the BEACH and the CLUBS for the NON-trickin honeydips…I say the beach and the clubs because:


A) Hustling chicks aren’t trying to spend money @ the club…that’ll defeat the purpose of hustling, and

B) Time is money, and they sure as hell won't waste time gettin their lace fronts and yaki weaves wet


Plus, I’ve met some cool ass females on the beach and the club…I kept in touch with some of them as a matter of fact…the chicks who hit up the beach are the ones who wanna enjoy the moment

I even met a young lady who traveled all the way from London at the beach…LOL

The CLUBS you should hit up are Cameo, Mansion, Sobe Live, and Dream

The other joints are “okay”

Puffy had a party @ Dream where they let women in free…dudes had to pay a Benjamin to get in…needless to say, women dominated that party because you know dudes aren’t gonna spend that much bread to party in some club

Okay...I mentioned the women…clubs…and now let me touch on the hotels right quick

I stayed @ The Albion off Lincoln Road on James Avenue…the joint was dope…got some free breakfast tickets for each day of my stay…I grubbed on pancakes, omelets, turkey sausage, orange juice and some fruit...not that bagel and sweet roll crap that some hotels give out for breakfast tickets

The only bad part about the joint was the thin ass walls…other than that, the hotel is cool money

Luckily I didn't hear anyone fuckin' during my stay

Shout out to Nate, the desk clerk, for the hospitality…usually hotel clerks are straight up asswipes

Speaking of James Avenue, the other hotels/motels on that small strip between Lincoln and 17th street is hoodrat central…AVOID staying at The James, Cadet, and Crest…those are the bottom of the barrel spots

Oh yeah…The Albion had too many dudes and not enough women…another minus…I couldn’t hotel pimp if I was too lazy to go out

Most of the females I’ve come across and saw lounging around stayed @ hotels north of Lincoln Road on Collins Ave…spots like The Shellborne, The Seagull, South Seas, The Continental, Catalina and The Claremont had women galore

Loews Hotel is one of the most popular spots in South Beach, but that joint is REAL hood and they don’t allow guests…LOL

Avoid any hotel on Ocean Avenue between 15th and 5th streets. Ocean Ave is THE STRIP on South Beach…and trust me, you won’t get any rest unless you’re a bonafied party animal 24-7 

Ocean Ave in the evening

Hit up hotels off Washington Ave like The Clay and The Greenview if you wanna stay close to the party, but away from the chaos…those spots are good and inexpensive

I think that about sums things up…I’ll probably post another South Beach blog on a day leading up to the debauchery

One more thing before I breeze up outta here…there are MORE WOMEN than men @ South Beach on Memorial Day Weekend

So fellas…DON’T ACT THIRSTY!!!



Loungin @ the Savoy Hotel pool party

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Industry Shady

Abracadabra, my peoples

I got a new interview with the good ladies @ Seriously Sensual under my belt

Listen to me spaz out on the industry…cuz as you know…I’m not an industry nigga


I write FOR THE PEOPLE…not the awards…not the prest
ige…and sure as hell not for fake ass people who kiss ass for crumbs

Besides that, life is great for the champ…still doing my thing…still makin moves

Ain’t nothin’ changed but the zip code every time I hit the corners

I’m Audi



Monday, March 19, 2012

RECAP: Ms Full Figured USA Pageant Show

Yours truly...suited and booted

Abracadabra, my people

Theresa Randolph hosted the 23rd annual Ms Full Figured USA Pageant Show in Newark, New Jersey this past Sunday

Before I start, I wanna say Newark has to be the Black lesbian capital in the country…Combined with the past book signings I’ve done in Newark along with what I saw Sunday, I’ve never seen a high number of sistas who played for the other team in one area

Only in Newark where you’ll find a lesbian chick greet someone with As-Salāmu `Alaykum ("Peace to you" in Arabic)…Newark has a long history with the Islamic culture…so I guess that’s expected

I also wanna give a big FUCK YOU to the dumb niggas who double parked alongside the cars on Park Place…it took us damn near 2 hours to leave the joint because heads were too lazy to find a parking spot to hit up the lounge and club on the strip

You literally had a row of double parking on one strip…never seen anything like it

Aight, enough with the social commentary

The show was off the chain!!!…beautiful women galore…there’s nothing like a thick sista

The show started @ 6pm, and I got there a little bit after…the damn flash on my Canon wasn’t strong enough to take flicks in a dimmed room…I alternated between the Canon and my BlackBerry
(my BBM Pin: 325CC038)

That sucked because while the BlackBerry has better lighting, the Canon has a better zoom

I still snapped some good flicks besides that

Of course you know I passed out bookmarks for Thick When the Chances are Slim…I’m pissed because A) I didn’t bring enough bookmarks and B) I should’ve waited to catch people at the end of the pageantry by standing at the exit 

I know what to do next year…the joint held at least 250-300 heads…a good sized ballroom @ the Robert Treat Hotel

Speaking of passing out bookmarks…

I was in a passive mood that evening for some odd reason…so I gave this slender, dread locked dude 20 dollars to pass out bookmarks…I figured I'll break bread with my brother...and guess what, I’ll NEVER do that again.

Homie said “This is light work” because he’d promoted before (that’s what he told me)…needless to say, dude didn’t finish the stack I gave him

Not only that, but dude was snail slow with passing out the bookmarks as if the hands of time were on crutches

And you know what, I’m not mad at him…it’s my fault…I should’ve snapped out of that shy shit and got on my grind like I usually do…I’ll charge that 20 bucks to the game and learn from that mishap

Oh yeah…you know I had to make money selling books…I sure as hell wasn’t paying for vending fees…LOL

That doesn’t make me cheap…I’m just smart with mines

I did some networking…met some new heads, and ran across a few heads I already knew

Mike, CEO of Bigger and Better Thangs Entertainment, interviewed me briefly during the show…much love for the quick plug for THICK

Besides a chick who couldn’t hold her liquor the event was drama free…of course you had thirsty dudes tryna holla…hey, I don’t blame them…a lot of the women in that piece were bad (bad meaning “good” for the ebonically challenged folk)

I don’t know what the hell women are eating nowadays because a lot of them were built like horses…real talk

The next big show (no pun intended) for the plus size modeling industry is Full Figured Fashion Week in June…you know I’m hittin that up to show my support for the sexy ladies...Ooooowwww!!! #TeamThick

Aight, ya’ll…I only selected a few flicks to post…enjoy them and the comments

Hugged up with the Lady Dove *muah*

From Left to Right: Me, Yvette, Andrene, and designer Lonnie Cisco

Takin flicks with Damaris...a supporter

Lampin with the ORIGINAL runway diva...Sharon Quinn

A past winner of the pageant...not only she's a cutie...she also has a phatty *wink*

Other past winners showing their support for their sistren

Ms Full Figured USA Pageant Winner
There were a few trophies handed out for different categories…I lost track…so I give a shout out to EVERYONE who won something

All I’m gonna say is that I didn’t take this picture for the models on the runway

Aight, ya'll



Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fuck Street Lit

I held my tongue, rather fingers, long enough. I’m tired of the fuckery that’s going on in Black literature.

Street Literature is messing it up for everybody.

You have aspiring writers thinking it’s cool to recycle the same stories without an editor and putting it out on the market. Now it’s becoming the norm for Black authors to write about the hood.

And if you wanna write something different like Sci-Fi, you have to write those types of books under an alias unless you have a kick ass marketing and promotional vehicle to fight against the grain.

The shit’s disgusting.

Then you have Street Lit authors defending their genre by saying silly shit like, “At least they’re (new readers or casual readers) are reading.”


That’s like saying at least a person is eating regardless of poor dieting. It’s been over 10 years since the re-birth of Street Lit and Negroes are STILL writing about the same thing.

You have scores of the same fingerprints on different keyboards. We’re living in an era of copy “scaredy” cats. When they do write about the streets, whether they lived it or were a spectator, they do a half assed job.

When I read a Donald Goines or Iceberg Slim novel, I can FEEL the words. I HEAR the cries of the streets. I SMELL the heroin addict in the dope house. I TASTE the air of the ghettos. I TOUCH the beat down of a person. I SEE boarded up buildings, gambling spots, brothels, old school cars, and suited and booted players with their women lounging on the streets.

Street Lit novels nowadays have no SOUL…NONE whatsoever…all I’m reading is fast food novels that you can easily shit out as quick as you swallowed.

Authors are more concerned about putting out books in a short amount of time as they brag about it for a quick buck rather than taking their time so people can remember their joints 50 years from now. To keep it funky with you, I don’t think they care.

Donald Goines wrote books in a 2 week span or month while fighting a heroin addiction. He LIVED his inner demons as an author. That’s why it was easy for him to bang out books in a short amount of time and marinate SOUL in his words in the process.

The lack of balance in the Black fiction market as a whole is ruining the potential of a new Renaissance. But Noooooo. Negroes don’t wanna take a chance to at least put a fresh spin on the same story because they have dreams far grandiose than the superficial and materialistic minded characters they write about.

Sociologists in the 60’s tailored their NON-fiction books on Richard Wright’s novels. Can you say the same for today’s Street Lit authors?

I doubt it. 

Black authors are held to a higher standard because they’ve always wrote for social impact going back to the ancient griots of what they now call West Africa…even if their purpose was to entertain…it’s in your blood…own it!

Street Lit authors nowadays only care about writing for a dollar. They’ll say, “We write what we see.” If you’re only capable of writing what you see, you’re not a true artist. And just because you’re seeing doesn’t mean you understand the circumstances that your eyes is beholding.

A true artist is a visionary who can not only write WHAT IS but also WHAT COULD BE.

Shit, a baby can hold a mirror outside a window and reflect what’s going on in society. Anybody can do that…anybody.

Just because you got busted for selling weed in ’98 or your boyfriend was a dope boy doesn’t mean you can properly articulate the streets. And if you were heavy in the game, at least depict the motivations behind the actions of the characters.

Writing that Guy A started selling drugs because he was broke is child’s play. Everybody doesn’t gang bang out the blue. Even hustlers have demons they fight.

One of the perfect examples of a well-written book from a hustler’s perspective is Cavario H’s (Co-Founder of Don Diva Magazine) Raised By Wolves autobiography that dropped in 2010. Check it out for yourself to see how a writer who lived the life REALLY puts it down the “write way.”

Another quote I love from certain Street Lit authors is, “Would you rather me write a book about the hood, or go out robbing and selling drugs?”

Oh really?

If those options are your only alternatives besides writing your exploits on paper then your Black ass deserve to be locked up behind bars...real talk.

C’mon, people. We can do better. This is 2012. There are a million hustles out there besides slangin''re just being lazy. LOL

The “Write books or Bust” creed shows the limited mentality that some people have.

Then you have Street Lit authors ignorantly spewing, “They said rap music was a fad and it’s still here.”

The problem with that analogy is that the creativity during the Golden Age of Hip-Hop (1987-1992) hit its all time high during the criticisms of the genre. Timeless classics, from Rakim’s “Paid in Full” to Dr. Dre’s “The Chronic”, dropped during that time.

Rap music became stagnant when commercialization set course. Money ruled over creativity. Rappers only cared about flossing and counting bread instead of coming up with new shit to help elevate the art form. Now everybody and their mamas are saying “Hip-Hop is dead.”

Gee…I wonder why.

There’s no accident that you now see the same thing happening to Street Lit. Folks think it’s easy to write those books. They’ll read a successful street lit book and say to themselves, “Hey, this ain’t hard to write. I can do this.” And now you have every Tom, Dick and Jane thinking they can write a book without taking a Creative Writing course or at least learning the mechanics of writing.

The Golden Age of Street Lit was during 1999 starting with The Coldest Winter Ever. That era ended in 2003 when everybody and their mamas started copying the same formula which watered down the genre.

If you think I’m lying, go to your typical Black book store, street/urban lit website, and even the mainstream book stores to see for yourself. I don’t know if I’m looking at flyers to hit up the next party at a club or a book cover.

And I don’t know if I’m looking at a book or a purposely done minstrel show on paper.

I honestly don’t see any Street Lit novel getting praises 30 years from now. The Holy Trinity of Street Literature is The Coldest Winter Ever, True to the Game, and B More Careful. The rest will only find relevance from hardcore fans who’ll reminisce about “the good ol days”…whatever that means.

You’ll remember Shaft, Superfly, and The Mack…but you sure as hell don’t remember Boss Nigga

Need I say more?



Thursday, March 8, 2012

It's all about the Curves, baby


I’m falling back from blogging until I get at least to the midway point of THICK 2

I’ll only posting interviews, articles and reviews pertaining to the original THICK book…or when something drastic occurs
I got something new with the good folks @ Curvi MagazineCurvi is pretty much an online magazine that highlights women and the plus size community specifically

They showcased ya guy in the author spotlight and gave THICK a quick review...enjoy