Dumb Things That People Say to Authors

What’s crackin, grasshoppers???

I’m a firm believer that there’s no such thing as a stupid question…

…with a few exceptions

I’m annoyed at some of the shit that people say or ask when I’m on the grind. People can say the most irrelevant shit when it comes to my space as an author. I don’t say that to seem rude or uppity, but common sense should…well…be common

Questions like, “How long does it take for you to write a book?” DON’T bother me…neither does, “Tell me what the book is about.”

That means you genuinely wanna get to understand my art and its process

Is when people say shit like, “I’ll buy your book when I see it at the store,” irks me when they KNOW I have books on my person to sell

I’m gonna run down 10 things stupid shit people can say to an author…it’s more than 10, but I’m sure you’ll get the point

This isn’t a knock to my fan base because I have SMART readers…the dumb shit that people say are usually nosey folk with nothing else to do but waste my time

 

1. Do you have distribution?

It shouldn’t matter if I have distribution when you’re not a distributor



2. How many books you sold?

Book sales have nothing to do with the actual content of the story and its quality or lack thereof



3. Do I need an editor if I wanna write a book?

No need to explain this one



4. I wanna write a book

Yeah, sure



5. Do authors make a lot of money?

Write a book and find out



6. I’m sure you get a lot of girls writing books

I doubt women like me because I’m an author

If they do, they need to holla at Dr. Phil



7. Did you write this book?

Um…DUH!



8. Gimme the book for free

*slap*



9. I’ll buy the book if it was on eBook 

I’m a firm believer that if you REALLY want something in life, you’ll go out your way to get it

I bought the GZA’s of the Wu-Tang Clan Liquid Swords album on cassette when the store didn’t have it on CD



10. Authors are the devil
 

I’m not kidding when I tell you I got that remark before

Now…

Before I get the “snobbish” remarks, put yourself in my snake skin shoes for a sec

Those questions and comments are similar to some dude asking you your favorite sex position on the first date, or a chick constantly talking about your bank account the first few minutes into the conversation

What the fuck does that have to with your character as a person?

Enuff said

I’m out

Peace and Afro Grease

Nah’Sun

Book Clubs Are Liars

Ayoooooooooo

Book clubs flip on me for some reason…I got the WORST luck when it comes to book clubs either inviting me for a meeting to discuss my books, or them following up when they say they will

It got to a point where whenever a book club member say to me, “I’m gonna contact you after I finish the book” I automatically assume they’re full of shit

They NEVER contact me…9 out of 10 times this is AFTER they claim they enjoyed the book…so I doubt it has anything to do with the content 

Damn...do I need to shoot a nigga to get someone's attention?...Shit...LOL

I guess this is the way of the industry *shrugs*

I remember at a book signing in Newark, New Jersey 3 years ago this lady who was part of a book club was interested in buying a book…our interaction took a wrong turn on Weird driving on Awkward boulevard after awhile…this is how the last part of the convo had went:

 
ME: Feel free to flip through the pages to see if you like it enough to buy it

HER: It looks real interesting. I think I’m gonna buy your book (she says as she flips through pages)

3 minutes later

HER: Okay, I gotta go. Bye

ME: (looks dumfounded as she leaves without buying a book)

 
Me and my homegirl (my assistant at the time) looked at each other like “what the fuck?”…we actually thought we had a sale…that’s how interested she was…LOL…shit was mad bizarre…she just bounced.

Til this day that’s the WEIRDEST interaction I’ve gotten from a perspective buyer…it just so happen to be a person from a book club

I’m not gonna go on a crusade against book clubs…some of them have been VERY supportive when it comes to buying books…it just bugs me out how they never hit me up when they say they will…especially when they give a SPECIFIC time period of them hitting me up

You might say, "maybe you should make the first step"...I don't think I should have to do that when someone cracks open the pandora's box of a light promise...If someone is REALLY interested in a person, place or thing, they'll go out their way to get it...simple as that

It’s like people’s word nowadays aren’t their bond…then again, I am dealing with industry folk

This older brother once said:

"My word is my bond, and my bond is life, and I will give my life before my word shall fail."

And when you deal with any industry, it’s like people are walking around dead when it comes to their word

Anyway…back to writing I go…I’m out

Peace

Nah’Sun the Great

Lampin in Miami with a supporter from a book club